When life comes together...

I find myself to be rather surprised. Things don't usually happen very easily for me, but sometimes, on a rare occasion, things come together. On Friday, I turned in my student teaching application. For awhile, I fought the idea of becoming a teacher. I tried convincing myself that it wasn't my calling, my passion. But somewhere along the road, I didn't find my passion, my passion found me.

Though some of you my not know this, my dad was a journalism teacher. Not only was he a journalism teacher, he was the best. I can remember sitting with my dad when I was little and watching him work his craft. He was unlike any other man I've ever known. Whether he was writing a serious piece or making up funny parodies about George Bush, he was an amazing writer. I'd like to think that by becoming and English teacher, I'm leaving a part of his handprint on every student I teach. Language is an art and if anyone taught me that, it was my dad. When I find myself missing him most, writing helps me feel close to him. I sometimes feel as if his hand is on my shoulder as I write a creative piece or speak my mind in my journal. Yes, my father was a master of this art.

I know, I suck at this thing!

Ok, ok! I know it's been forever since I posted anything on here, but I can't help it! Between school, work, social life, APO, Children's Carnival, and observations, my life is entirely too busy.

I started Clinical Observations this semester. I love every single part about it. Last night, I was so excited about teaching I couldn't even sleep. I stayed up for several hours writing lesson plans and researching different teaching strategies. Everyday that I step into that classroom, my life gets a little better. I love the way the students look up to me and ask me questions that they assume I know the answers to. They see me as the boss. I've never had this before, and I'm having a bit of a power trip. I love teaching, and this is a huge relief for me. For some time now I have been questioning whether or not I am in the right major.... now I know. I love everything about it.

Alpha Phi Omega. Oh how we have a love/hate relationship. This is something I never expected to put so much effort into this Fraternity. But I love it. I love the people, I love the service, I love the pledges. We have 35 pledges this semester. We are literally doubling our chapter. I am so proud of where I belong.

My social life is amazing. My friends and I will be coming home on Oct. 2nd to enjoy the Chili Cook off. I can't tell you how excited I am that they are coming and I Can't tell you how excited they are to be coming.

Now I'm off to watch the Grey's Anatomy season premier.... I love you all!!

I'll miss my friend... OR dammit Ryan, don't go!

When the phone rang, and I heard my sister say "OH my gosh, Ryan!" My heart skipped a beat. I try and do my best to cover up just how much I love my brother, but everyone knows he's my favorite man in the entire world. I found out today that my Bubby, my friend, my enemy will be leaving me and my family to begin his journey as the greatest hero of all times. On Sunday, he will be headed to Virginia to report to TBS (a fancy marine school thingy).

When Ryan and I were kids, we did the average fighting thing, just as every brother and sister do. But with Ryan, it was always different. I knew from the time I was a little girl, that he would be my hero. When someone came to pick on me, if I was sad, or when I had my first boyfriend, he was there waiting to report to duty. Since my Dad passed away, he has been the man of the house. I suppose it should come as no shock to me that he chose this as his career path. He has been a noble, hardworking, loving, and caring person since I have met him. I will never forget the first time I came home with hickey. HE was ready to kill somebody, but I assured him it was fine. The time I hung out with one of his friends who wasn't the best influence in the world, he was ready to rescue me when needed. The time he drove my best friend and I to homecoming, and made us feel like we were the most beautiful girls in the world, was one of my favorite moments with my brother. 

And now he is leaving. He has been my hero for so long, and is now off to be someone else's hero for change. 

Ryan,

I am so proud of who you are and what you have become. Thank you so much for being my friend, my brother, my hero for so long. I know you will take the Marine world by storm and completely blow them out of the water. You are a lover, a fighter, and most of all a hard worker. I love you my Bubby. I will miss you while you're gone! Oh and by the way, one of these days you will take me to the bars at U of I. 

I love you,

Toot

Mama said there'd be days like this: Or what a crappy day

So, as most of you know it rained today. A lot. I woke up to the pitter patter on my window and immediately wanted to roll back over and go to sleep. However, I knew that wasn't going to happen so it was time to face the day.

What you all should know about me is that I love the rain. I love the rain when it's warm outside and I can play in it, or when it's cold and rainy I can lay on the couch and watch a good movie or read a good book. 

BUT today, I could do neither. I had to walk in the cold rain and wind to classes that I didn't want to go to. UGH! I actually ended up driving to class because I'm a big baby and I don't have an umbrella here. I run into the building in which my class is being held and I realize as soon as I get to the 3rd floor after climbing the damn stairs that I forgot to feed the meter. So back down the 3 flights of stairs I went.

Class was fine, but I just didn't feel right. So, I went to church. It's been way too long since I've been. I sat and cried and felt better than I have in months. I decided to give myself some silent time when I got back to my dorm, and I ended up falling asleep.

Naps are wonderful. I dreamed about good food, and good people. I think God gives me good dreams when I'm having bad days, weeks, or even months.

HOWEVER I come back from class this afternoon only to be greeted by the greatest roommate in the world, and one of the greatest neighbors I've ever had: Claire and Amy. I love them both to death and they make me smile all the time

I get to see my amazing family this weekend and I Can't wait! Love you all!

So ok, all in all it wasn't a bad day. It actually turned out to be a pretty good day!

"Marley and Me" or Cry fest '09

It was around 9:30 last night when I finished my homework and saw the oh so adorable commercial for the movie "marley and me". I thought about how I hadn't seen the movie and how i really wanted to, but hadn't gotten around to it. SO I made mistake number 1! I got comfy on my futon, got on itunes and rented this blessed movie....

The first hour and a half I was preparing myself for what was to come... I knew what was going to happen because I read the book when I was little. But hey, things like that don't usually bother me. Mistake number 2: Believing I was "stronger" than this. So I was watching the movie and I actually liked it a lot. I have to say I have a weakness for Owen Wilson and I really like Jennifer Aniston.

Here comes the sad part.... I"m sitting in my room, in the dark, while my roommate is sleeping ever so soundly and it is as if the flood gates were opened..... I SOBBED! No, I wept. I don't think I have cried that much in a very long time... Now, it may not have been only the movie that made me cry, as most of you know it had been 8 years since my Dad passed away on Tuesday, and the emotions were still a little raw.... That was mistake number 4.

As the movie ended, I continued to cry, no sob, no weep.... and made my way to the bathroom where I discovered mascera.... EVERYWHERE! Not just under my eyes, but down my cheeks, on my neck, smeared on my t-shirt.... mistake number 5.... wash your face BEFORE watching Marley and Me.

Overall, it was a great movie and I totally enjoyed it!

I know it's been awhile since I"ve updated my Blog but things really have been crazy around here. I've been doing school work, real work, and family work.

This post is dedicated to my Dad, the lover of all things....


Love to all

19 years 364 days old...

The things I've experienced in 19 years and 364 days have been both good and bad.

1. I have grown to love the most amazing people.

2. I have the most amazing family in my life

3. I've lost 3 grandparents, and 1 parent. 

4. Survived many things I shouldn't have

5. Made really stupid and awesome mistakes

6. Regretted a lot of them

7. Spent a lot of time trying not to regret them

8. Loved unconditionally

9. Graduated High School

10. Gotten on the Deans list at ISU

11.Fought way too much with the people with i love

12. Loved way too many people I shouldn't have

13. Cared enough, too much, and not enough

14. Found the most amazing best friend in the world, all the whil she was right beside me... my Mom

15. Gone through a roommate

16. Kissed plenty of boys

17. Wondered if they were the right ones

18. Gained an amazing Step-dad

19. Gained the most amazing step siblings and nieces

20. Believed that it doesn't matter if they are blood, they are my family and I love them

21. Freaked out about the future

22. Conquered anxiety disorder

23. Discovered I have PCOS

24. Talked way too mcuh

25. Spent wayy too much money

26. Cried

27. Laughed

28. Made A difference

29. Didn't do enough

30. Loved every minute of it.

I love you all, and thank you all of you for making my life an amazing experience. Mom, I'm sorry if the past 19 years 364 days have been hell, but the next 20 will be better. I love you and You're my best friend. Thank you for all that you do! 

Love you all!

Going Home!

Wow, It's been an incredibly long week here at the ILSTU! I've written papers, read over 500 pages of crap, and participated in all my extra cariculars(SP). It's times like these that I want to quit. Just put everything down, pack my stuff and go home!

So.... that's what I'm doing! Not quitting, but going home. I miss my Mommy. I don't know if any of you haven't noticed yet, but I am a HUGE mommies girl! I call her at least 3 times a day, and every time i hear her voice it makes my heart hurt a little. Of course I know that I am growing up and I love my life here at ISU, but I will never ever lose the pain of missing my mom. I think some of it has a huge deal to do with losing my dad at such a young age, and i just attached, but I think a lot of it is because she is my best friend.

Mom, I know you're probably crying right now, and thats ok. Here's the thing, when I wake up in the morning the first thing I want to do is call my mom. Just to hear her voice and know that she is thinking of me too. AND she always talks good sense into me.

I love home. I know this blog is so random... but it's what's on my mind right now. Tonight when I travel home after work, I"m totally crawling into bed with my Mommy and it'll be the best thing ever!!

Saturday I will spend the day with her and then spend the evening with my best friends, Elizabeth and Sara, and we'll probably laugh until we cry. I hope everyone realizes that while these people are amazing, so are my peeps at ISU. I laugh so hard with my girls here, and I have connections with some of them that I don't think could ever be made anywhere else. The only thing that could make this trip home better would be if Matt, Becky, and Alice were waiting there for me... I'm not including Maggie, Mike, Kaylee, or Rae because they'll be enjoying the warm weather in TUSCON TOGETHER!! (but seriously, I wish you guys were coming too)

ANYWAY..... I'm going home tonight and I'm super excited about it!
1. I get to see my Mommy
2. I get to see Elizabeth and Sara
3. I get birthday presents!! YAYY!!!


Love you all!